On Moving on
Posted by 
Cajen | Filed under life series
NOTE: A break. Everyone needs one.
It just struck me at how long i have been trying to hold on to a memory that sometimes i feel didn’t really happen. Perhaps one of those fleeting instances where I thought I heard something that I wanted to hear. (Do understand that I was drinking then, so i must be imagining things). We do stupid things in life - we make mistakes, and yes they are stupid… but they are our stupid mistakes to make. We choose to make them because we feel like doing them… we might ask for advices, but it’s still ours to make… We make them, because we need to know something… and in knowing comes the process of learning. Each of us are here now, to teach each other (more often, without us even knowing it). Whether we learn or not, doesn’t matter, cos we will never know. What’s frightening is that we will keep on making the same mistakes over and over and over.. ad infinitum, until we learn from it. And sometimes, the very friends that make us realize those stupid decisions we make usually end up being fried by us.
For all the mistakes that I’ve done, I have learned not to regret making them. (I wasn’t afraid to take the risk in the first place.) I look back and say, “Dang! Wish I hadn’t done what I did when I did it.” But in retrospect, I thought, “Why?” Is there really a need to regret the decisions I make? Ive already made them, I blame myself, yes. But that’s it. I forgive myself, grieve if I need to and then I think of what needs to be done to patch it up. I try not to look for excuses or the crazy guy inside me would scream, “What are you doing? Are you looking for an excuse? Delaying the realization of the truth? Eeesh! Don’t turn anyone into your own petty excuse for the mistakes that you’ve done. Have you fu***** lost it?” *laughs* I guess the guy inside me is right. Why do I need to look for excuses? Do I need it?
Some do, I guess. Maybe they are afraid to face themselves and say, ‘Yeah it’s my fault.’ Afraid to admit that they were wrong. Or perhaps, they are trying to assign blame to anyone convenient enough to be there other than owning up to it.
I might not be much, but when i look at myself in the mirror, the demented guy inside me would say, “You know what? You might not be straight. Might not be as smart I am. But heck, you are more of a man than most.”
| 2.5 |
Tags: forgiveness, love, moving on
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4 Responses to “On Moving on”
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rhye (Who am I?) (8 comments.) Says:
May 12th, 2008 at 10:44 amhaha! u didn’t make me read this just because it is something i can’t relate with. yeah, memories that i feel didn’t really happen.
and beer is rebellion. and i can’t help it.
so, beer?
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rhye (Who am I?) (8 comments.) Says:
May 12th, 2008 at 10:48 ambtw, congrats! this blog fastly changed into a more dynamic read. but, i’m so poor when it comes to the technical parts, especially with programming. and that deserves a sit-down over some alcohol.
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Cajen (Who am I?) Says:
May 14th, 2008 at 10:14 amThanks rhy! ill be posting tutorials that will be so easy to follow. ^_^ i wouldnt mind a beer or two..
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rhye (Who am I?) (8 comments.) Says:
May 14th, 2008 at 10:41 amhaha! programming makes my stomach feel suddenly full. maybe, those are the butterflies they’ve been talking about.
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Hi there and welcome! I am an accomplished gamer, programmer and web designer enthusiast, an artist interrupted, a budding entrepreneur, and now a blogger. Through this blog, I will be sharing you my thoughts and I hope that you do the same. This blog will contain blogging tips & tricks, fireworks tutorials, photoshop tutorials, web design, graphics, and then some. As I’ve mentioned in my first post, I claim no level of proficiency in any of the tutorials that I will be posting, however, I pride myself in being a good instructor and I will try to make them as easy as possible for everyone.